Saving Stephen
March 2nd, 2009 by Karen
The last couple of weeks, I’ve been working on a side project to help out one of my brother’s best friends, Stephen.
Stephen is a 28 year old young man, husband, uncle, and brother. He is a musician, a friend, a God loving person, and overall a very good man.
Since 2006, Steve has been battling Hodgkin’s lymphoma. He has gone through countless chemo and radiation treatments with little success. He just finished a 20 day stint in the “bubble” at the hospital where basically he was in total isolation as they killed off his immune system once again with two different kinds of chemo.
There is a place in Houston, Texas called MDAnderson that has had great success with treating hard to cure cases like Stephen’s and it is our sincere goal to send him there. Only problem is that it is out of network for him and just to walk in the door is nearly $42K. Add on travel for him and his wife Rosemary and other expenses and it is nearly an insurmountable cost. As his friends and family, we feel it is our duty and our priveledge to help Stephen with this part of his journey.
“…during your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”
~Footprints in the Sand
There is a high probability that Stephen will need a bone marrow transplant, so a drive has begun for that in addition to the drive to help him get to Houston for additional treatment.
Please visit SavingStephen.com to help.
Posted in Family, Life | 0 Comments
Surface
March 1st, 2009 by Karen
floating
like a forgotten blossom
on a wood ringed pond
making nary a ripple
bobbing slightly with the breeze
as the mist swirls tightly
all promise of life
lost in the chill of evening
and the depths of oblivion.
Posted in Poetry & Writing, Private | 0 Comments
Tuesday’s Topic - Finding Fair
February 27th, 2009 by Karen
Last Thursday, I received a call from my mother to tell me that my Great Great Aunt Louise had passed away. Sure, she was nearly 98 and yes she had been ill and confused for several years, but despite this, I cried.
I’m fairly certain that I was the only one.
Not because my family is cruel or because they conciously wished it would all be over. Just simply because “she had lived a long fulfilling life”. At what point do we cross over from death meaning mourning and death meaning absence of grief? How in the world is that fair?
Is is fair that she had to spend her final years locked in her own confusion about who came and went, who was really alive and who she believed still lived? Is it fair that only about 40 people came to the funeral? Is it fair that the discussion at her reception focused more on when the estate would be dispersed than her long well traveled life? Is it fair that the last of a generation should simply slip away with barely a mention?
Everyone went through the motions of what was expected…solemnly fulfilling their filial duties until it was appropriate to be finished. There was no fault to be found in the service itself. The flowers were impeccable, everyone appropriately dressed, the family mortician did a lovely job as he always does. But it was all flat. There was no sorrow.
The only person I spoke with that seemed at all moved was my cousin’s daughter who is only seven. In all the swirl of black clothing and Portland rain, she quietly went about her little way and ended the reception at my side. She was the only person younger than I and both of us the youngest there by a long shot. We sat on the couch and she showed me her DS and we ate little cookies together for a bit and then she asked if I wanted to see her room since the reception was at my cousin’s house. I said sure and she led me up the stairs. She showed me the sticker collection on her door (which I’m sure just kills my cousin who is an incredible interior designer), her collection of ponies and frilly dresses, and her books. She pointed out all the fun bric-a-brac that make up the world of a child then she turned to me in all childhood seriousness and said simply “You know, it’s too bad that Aunt Louise had to go to heaven. She was a nice lady.”
It was all I could do to choke out “Yes honey, she was.”
That small precious moment made up for all the unfairness of the day that had assaulted my heart.
No one else could see past the paperwork, the cost and the hassle of the end of a life, but a small child with barely an understanding of what it means to live did.
Posted in Family, Life, Tuesday's Topic | 2 Comments
Patience is a virtue…
February 12th, 2009 by Karen
This past Sunday when Joel and I renewed our vows, one of the readings at Mass was Corinthians 1:1-13 and although it’s oft quoted to the point of becoming trite, it’s still a lovely message. Love, unconditional love, is patient. It is kind. It endures always.
I am not the most patient person in the world. I have known this for a long time and regretably, so have those around me that I love the most. I come by it naturally I’m afraid. (Like father, like daughter!) I do not go through life with a happy and overabundant spirit. I usually start my day grouchy and impatient and I end it thinking impatiently of all the stuff I still have to do but have to wait on since it’s bed time. Impatience, perfectionism, and proscrastination are a bad combination.
Recently, my friend Mike suggested that I read The Tao of Inner Peace by Diane Dreher. Keep in mind that I DEVOUR books and can read 700 pages in a day with little trouble. This book has forced me to slow down and start taking things to heart. I’ve been reading it for a week and I’m only about 20 pages in. It’s frustrating and cathartic at the same time. It’s been a long time since I did serious self-discernment and examined my soul and boy…it needs some help.
By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Galatians 5:22
I have been striving towards several of these in my life lately, but I haven’t been particularly focused on patience. Joel can tell you, I sit in my chair and grumble away most of the day. The spam annoys me, the temperature of the house, the stack of bills, the constant “mommommommom” of our littlest one, the misplaced notes that are somewhere on my desk but elude me until I no longer need them. Each minor irritation has its tongue lashing or harrumph from me. He has the patience of Job to put up with me, I know. I would have up and moved my desk to another room by now.
The more I reflect on the idea of patience, the larger a concept it becomes. Not only does it encompass my day to day attitude and interactions, but it directly affects my joy, my capacity to love, my inner peace. My lack of patience prevents me from being the gentle and kind person I want to be and throws my self-control out the window, at least where things like chocolate are concerned. Patience does not mean being a complacent doormat, but being proactive in the face of difficult or annoying circumstances.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. ~Ephesians 4:2
The last thing I want -ever- is for my children to be afraid of upsetting me or look back on their childhood and say “gee, Mom sure yelled a lot”. I need to learn to not sweat the small stuff, to take a breath before I criticize, to remember what impatience looks like through their eyes, because I was them once. I feel like I’m starting to make a little progress…seeing fragments of color flashing through my peripheral vision in a sea of gray and black.
It’s like patiently climbing a long spiral staircase, you can’t see the top, you can’t see the bottom, but you know each landing is higher than the last. If you’re patient enough and persevere, eventually you’ll see the sky.
Posted in Family, Life, Tuesday's Topic | 4 Comments
At the corner of Kismet & Karma
February 3rd, 2009 by Karen
I am not one who easily meets others.
Well, that’s not entirely true…perhaps a better way to say it is that I don’t easily approach others. I tend to be the quiet observer in a group, the seemingly shy one who smiles at the right times and laughs when it’s appropriate, then goes back to being a neutral shade of beige that blends in with the walls. I tend not to meet the eyes of people I don’t know in a crowd. Why? I don’t really know…a fear of what I might find reflected perhaps. I have tried in the past to convince myself that my self sufficency makes me a stronger person.
The last couple of months, I’ve been making a concerted effort to try to be more gregarious and outgoing and man, it’s incredibly difficult, but in the long run I think it will be worth it. In fact, I had the pleasure of meeting some really fine people just two weeks ago in Vegas. It was a struggle, but six months ago, I simply would have watched them from the sidelines without them even knowing I would have loved to talk to them.
When I was younger, meeting people was just as difficult, but fate has intervened on my behalf several times, despite my shortcomings, and I am very grateful for the people it has brought me.
My very best friend in the whole world, I never would have really known, if it hadn’t been for a trip to Ashland to the Shakespeare Festival in 7th grade. Our core teacher had one core class in the morning and one in the afternoon and we were each in different ones, so we didn’t really hang out or know each other well at all. Come to think of it, I think the only class Faith and I had together that first year was band. Anyway, neither of us had anyone to sit with for the long bus ride, so we ended up sitting together. We had an awesome time and after that, we were fast friends. Ten years ago, she was my maid of honor at my wedding and if I had to pick someone to do it again today, she’d still be the first person I would call. I in turn was her matron of honor and I like to think that she didn’t regret it, despite my razzing her with my toast. (You met him at French club meeting at a bar and neither of you drink and you took a long walk on the beach? Yeah, sure….) With families and distance, it’s harder to get together and hang out like we used to, but when we do manage to find an afternoon, it’s just like we never stopped being together on a daily basis.
I met my husband purely by chance as well. I was sixteen and part of the CYM core team at church and our youth minister signed us up for CLI, Christian Leadership Institute, up at Camp Pendola in the Sierras. I was -not- happy to be going. I was unsure of myself and frankly a little scared to be thrown into an unfamiliar situation. We got up to camp and we all went and sat down in the chapel/meeting room and the youth ministers started a skit. I had never met Joel before, but as he bounded into the room he nearly knocked himself out on the doorjamb. Over the course of the week, I found myself entranced by him and his goofy nature. We all parted ways and I went home to find that my beloved boyfriend of the time had been cheating on me with a friend of mine (broke up by handing me his wedding invite. ouch.). Fast forward a couple of summers and I found myself working at camp as a counselor and lo and behold, so was Joel. We hit it off and even though I had to kinda spell it out for him that I liked him, we fell in love. He hasn’t run away screaming in terror yet, so I count that as a bonus. We will have been together fourteen years and married ten this July 9th and yes, having everything on the same date (first kiss, proposal and wedding) has been very useful. I highly recommend it.
Finally, my most recent friend I met in quite a round about way. I freely admit, I’m a bit of a geek and I play an MMO for fun and stress relief…nothing like flinging around some fireballs to relieve frustration. One evening last year, none of my regular friends were on to play with so I switched to a different server. I picked one at random and within the first couple minutes, I heard about a player run radio station. I tuned in and was hooked by the Tom Lehrer the gal was playing. Since I work from home and my own playlist was getting rather tiresome, we started listening regularly and became acquainted with several of the other DJs. Last summer, I attended the IRCE conference in Chicago and two of the DJs invited me out to a B.B. King concert. I was nervous to go since I didn’t know them at all but honestly, I had a blast even though I stayed pretty quiet the whole time and that as they say was that. At Christmas, I ran into a bit of a dilemmma in game with one of my main characters. Trying to be more outgoing, I had impulsively agreed to allow her to be part of a bachelorette auction, but as the date got closer and I heard the various rp rumblings about people who were interested and why, I got more and more concerned. I didn’t want to back out and disappoint people, but I had a serious case of remorse. I voiced that concern to a small group of my friends and one of the DJs I met in Chicago, gallantly stepped up to save my character from a fate worse than death. In the process, we started talking more and more and he’s quickly become a fast friend and confidant. He’s been a huge support as I’ve been trying to get past some personal hurdles, rediscover who I am and nudge me down the path towards who I want to be. He’s also encourging me to slow down and listen to my own heart, which I haven’t done in a very long time. I’m blessed to have him as a friend.
None of these three I would have ever met, if I had been left to my own devices. The inital contact with each of them wasn’t something I actively sought out, not because I didn’t want to, but because I didn’t think I needed someone. I can’t imagine how dreary and sad my life would be without them now and it saddens me to suddenly discover how many missed opportunities there have been to connect with others.
AN OLD man on the point of death summoned his sons around him to give them some parting advice. He ordered his servants to bring in a bundle of sticks, and said to his eldest son: “Break it.” The son strained and strained, but with all his efforts was unable to break the bundle. The other sons also tried, but none of them was successful. “Untie the bundle,” said the father, “and each of you take a stick.” When they had done so, he called out to them: “Now, break,” and each stick was easily broken. “You see my meaning,” said their father.
“UNION GIVES STRENGTH.” -Aesop
My lesson: Alone, I am important to none. With others, we are are important to each other.
Posted in Family, Life, Tuesday's Topic | 4 Comments
Monday, monday…
January 27th, 2009 by Karen
I am deciding today was a total wash. There was nothing spectacular that went wrong, just lots of little things went awry, got broken and my shoulder is throbbing for the third day in a row. Coupled with my crampy lower back pain and the fact that my husband is ill and I’m just a certifiable hot mess today. It’s only 10 pm, but I’m calling it a day.
Posted in Family, Life | 0 Comments
Dining for One
January 20th, 2009 by Karen
Quick Minestrone - great for that small piece of leftover steak that you know you shouldn’t eat right now
1 TBSP vegetable oil
1 zucchini, chopped
small piece of leftover meat, chopped small
1 can chopped tomatoes (or whole and cut them up)
~8 oz green beans (fresh is better than frozen is better than canned)
1/2 envelope lipton onion soup mix
16 oz water
handful of macaroni/bowtie/similar pasta
In a saucepan on medium heat, add oil, zucchini & meat. Cook 2 minutes then add tomatoes, green beans and water and bring to a boil. Add the onion soup mix and pasta and stir well. Reduce heat to low and cover and cook for about 10 minutes. Add pepper and salt to taste.
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Crock Pot “Roast” - rather than a big roast, get a nice size steak, roll it up and tie with butchers twine.
“Roast” (this also works great with cheaper cuts of meat that are normally tougher)
1 medium onion
1 or 2 carrots, sliced into pieces an inch or so long
1 or 2 celery stalks, sliced
1 envelope lipton onion soup mix
1 beef boullion cube
Water
Tie up your steak and place in crock pot along with the vegetables. Dump in the onion soup mix, boullion cube and add enough water to come a little more than halfway up the side of the rolled steak. Cook for about 2 hours and check for doneness. (Timing will depend on the size of your roast)
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Broccoli & Almonds
1 head of broccoli, chopped
2 green onions, sliced thin
2 TBSP butter
2 TBSP or so sliced almonds (bulk foods is great for this rather than the baking aisle)
Lemon
Melt butter over high heat. When it’s hot, add broccoli, onions and almonds. Stir constantly until broccoli is tender, but still bright green. Remove from heat and squeeze lemon over after plating.
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Saucepan Baked Apples
2 large baking apples (mackintoshes, rome, gala…I prefer the red blush colored ones)
2 spoonfuls of sugar
cinnamon
butter
1/2 C water
Scoop out the core of the apples, but don’t pierce the bottoms. In the hole, add the sugar until almost full, add a pat of butter on top and sprinkle with cinnamon. Pour water into saucepan and carefully add apples. Cover and bring water just to a boil over medium heat. Lower the heat and cook for about 20 minutes or until tender. A nice variation on this is brown sugar.
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Caesar Chicken and Orzo Pasta - this is all done in one skillet
1 TBSP vegetable oil
2 chicken breasts
1 C chicken broth or 1 chicken boullion cube and 1 C hot water
1/2 C water
1/2 C orzo pasta (looks like like pieces of rice)
~8 oz bag frozen mixed spring vegetables (carrots, green beans)
1 1/2 TBSP Caesar dressing
Pepper
Heat oil in skillet over medium-high heat and cook chicken for about 10 minutes, turning once, until brown. Remove chicken from skillet and keep warm. Add broth and water to skillet and bring to a boil. Stir in orzo and bring to a boil again. Cook uncovered for 8 to 10 minutes, stirring occassionally. Stir in frozen vegetables and dressing. Add chicken and sprinkle with pepper. Heat to boiling once more, then reduce heat to a simmer and cook uncovered for about 5 minutes or until the chicken is done.
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Fish en Papillote - fancy talk for fish in parchment (or tinfoil!)
1 frozen lean fish fillets (perch, sole, just about any white fish)
1 C frozen mixed vegetables (broccoli, carrots & cauliflower)
1/4 tsp dill
salt & pepper
1 TBSP white wine (leftovers are good, or get a bottle of kitchen wine)
(Do this on a cookie sheet lined with foil. Little clean up that way!) Heat oven to 450. Place the
fish on a 12 inch square of foil and top with the vegetables, dill, salt, pepper and wine. Fold up foil and seal edges to hold in the steam. Bake about 35 minutes on a cookie sheet or until vegetables are done and fish flakes with a fork. (You can do this in parchment paper too, but rather than a square, you’ll need to cut the parchment in a heart shape. Put everything on one side of the heart, fold over the other half and roll the edge to seal.)
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Maple Apples and Carrots - great with a nice pork chop or chicken
1 medium carrot, sliced
1 medium apple, sliced thinly (hint…slice like you would a potato, and then cut out the centers)
1 TBSP butter
2 TBSP maple syrup
1/4 tsp cardamom (use nutmeg if you don’t have cardamom)
Heat about an inch of water to a saucepan and bring to a boil. Add carrots and cover and heat to boiling then reduce heat. Simmer 12 to 15 minutes or until tender. Drain. While carrots cook, heat butter in a skillet over medium heat. Cook apple wedges in butter for 2 minutes, stirring occassionally. Stir in syrup and spice and cook for an additional 3-5 minutes sitrring frequently until apples are evenly coated. Stir in carrots.
Posted in Recipes | 0 Comments
Cycles
January 8th, 2009 by Karen
I’ve been rather introspective lately…thinking about life and the dynamics that cast eddys and waves across my existance and I’ve started to notice I have cycles of creativity. I’m sure everyone goes through patches of writers block and such, but right now, I simply long for more. To do more, to be more.
Yearning
I want to wander into the woods for an hour simply to listen to my heartbeat and hear my breath mix with that of the trees.
I want to dance free and vibrant like I was 5 and didn’t care what anyone thought.
I want to break out my acrylics and delightedly fingerpaint.
I want to spin florid words across crisp linen with purple ink and a fountain pen.
I want to listen to jazz all day long and sing and weep.
I want to sit in a meadow and eat fresh picked blackberries that stain my fingers.
I want to wander through antique stores and smile at the trinkets and forgotten memories of souls long since past.
I want to sit in silence and weave stories from the depths of my being.
I want to cast hugs and kisses upon old friends.
I want to cry out the joy in my heart from the highest mountain and whisper it to the lowliest pebble.
I want to ground myself to the earth and strain to kiss the sky.
Posted in Poetry & Writing, Random Thoughts | 0 Comments
2009 Goals
January 2nd, 2009 by Karen
Alright…I’ve never been one for “resolutions”. I’ve always thought they were stupid and lasted no more than a week at best, so I’ve never really participated in the hype.
This year, I really do have some things I’d like to get done and some things I’d like to change to be a better person, better mom and better mate. I figured I better get them written somewhere or I’d never do them.
Weight - this has plagued me since my first pregnancy. Just never quite got it off. Now I’m nearly 32 and I hate the way I look. And yes, that’s the right verb. Self loathing is no way to spend my life, so it’s time to stop dinking around and suck it up.
Goal: 15 lbs by my birthday, 45 lbs by June, 75 lbs by Christmas.
Finances - these are significantly improved over 2007, but still need a lot of work. I’ve been doing well with light budgeting and paring down what we don’t need, but I could do better with more significant meal planning, which would also help with my weight goals. I also want to pay off some of our credit cards and my final student loan this year.
Goal: pay off 2 cards by March, 6 by December, clear student loans
Clutter - Good lord is this place a mess. We’ve just been so focused on keeping our heads above water that the accumulation of crap is phenomenal. Amazing how little things seem to pile up…in my desk pen cup alone I must have 20 pens from various tradeshows and I know I have a bunch more in the office closet. Why? I certainly don’t need them! This house has ten rooms (if you include the bathrooms), six closets and the garage. It’s time to purge.
Goal: 30 min of cleaning each day (inc laundry and dishes), one major room and closet purge each month, garage sale and donation of first pile of stuff by March 31.
Kids - No, not a another one (sigh…still a no). My kids are amazing…incredibly smart and talented. There’s so much I want them to be able to do in life. I want to give them the same gift my mom gave me…faith in themselves to do nearly anything they want and the ability to work with their hands. I want them to be able to cook and bake, sew and garden, make music and give them license to be completely free and creative and not put into a little box that a school bubble test wants them to be in.
Goal: have them help with plan and prep of at least one meal each week, even if it’s just mac and cheese, teach Miss M beginning embroidery and some simple stitching, plan and plant our garden earlier this year, spend more time with Miss M and her guitar, get Master A into piano lessons, and Miss S into ballet.
Marriage - In the handmade box from my grandfather beside my bed is a stack of old love letters from 1995 with a list of things we always wanted to do…things we’ve always planned…little things like watching the sunset on the beach, ice skating, taking dance lessons. Things we’ve never done. Listening to my grandma’s regrets this Christmas now that my grandpa is gone was heartbreaking. I don’t want to look back at all the things we missed out on because we were too busy working and worrying.
Goal: find a way to get out more often by ourselves, go to a couple of concerts if it’s in the budget
Creativity - For several years, I have ignored the tiny scritching at the door in the back of my mind and the longer I have ignored it, the angrier I have become. I used to do so many things that made me happy, fulfilled me. For a long time now, I have not done many of the things that made my heart sing with gladness. I don’t paint, write poetry, play my flute, sew, hand embroider, or dance hardly at all anymore. I don’t play field hockey or lacrosse or ice skate. I bake occassionally, but not like I used to. I read, but in scattered bursts. I recently began writing again, mostly fiction, and a few poems I’ve scribed on my heart, but not on paper. I’ve found my smile. I want to keep it.
Goal: take at least an hour each week to simply be Karen. Not Mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend. Just Karen.
I think this is an acceptable goal list for the year…time to kick it into gear!
Posted in Life | 0 Comments
More Art!
December 8th, 2008 by Karen
So last night I was surprised by my friend Kai with more gift art, this time of my character Lydia Chapman. It’s a quick rough sketch, but it looks awesome!
Posted in Art, Uncategorized | 0 Comments
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