The Key to Happiness

October 7th, 2012 by Karen

In the past 24 hours, I let someone get the better of me.

They made me so sad that I stayed up half the night in worry and tears. This morning wasn’t much better.

The reasons or circumstances don’t matter much, just this one statement.

In the past 24 hours, I let someone get the better of me.

It had nothing to do with my competence, my credibility, or my performance. It was merely the outcome of a minor argument that I’d all but forgotten nine months in the past about something that is now a complete moot point.

I put the key to my happiness in someone else’s pocket and trusted they would take care of it.

And yet…this isn’t their fault. I put it there. They didn’t wrestle it away from me. I simply handed it over.

There isn’t much I can do to salvage the situation, nor do I feel the particular energy to attempt it, but I have to remind myself. I AM NOT WHO PEOPLE SAY I AM.

I am me.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a hard worker.
I am passionate.
I care deeply about my friends.
I have helped raise over $40,000 for worthy causes in the last 3 years.
I need to prove my worth to no one but myself.

Tonight, I sang in a concert with our local Master Chorale. It is a lovely select group of singers and I consider myself fortunate to be among them. The last song of the night, ‘For Good’ from the musical Wicked, was dedicated to our dear, departed director Joaquina who passed away a few months ago. She always expected the best of us and called us her ‘darlings’. While the rest of the song was poignant in it’s own right, one phrase seemed to resonate for me tonight:

“And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I’ve done you blame me for, but then, I guess we know there’s blame to share and none of it seems to matter anymore.

So I do ask forgiveness for my transgressions, however it takes two to tango and I’m taking back my key, and leaving this dance.

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